I have yet to integrate my chest and head voices smoothly. I have always managed my registration with a head down method, singing head voice lower. Since my chest voice has a very good balance of inspiration and glottal engagement, I must find that laryngeal balance higher. So with the guidance of my professor I must blend up, not down. I have to retrain my overblown vocal folds. It is not just the acquiring of the new technique that is causing the frustration, but figuring out this new laryngeal balance means at this moment I will sound pretty bad. The embarrassment in retraining really is testing me. It is hard to allow myself to sound this kind of bad and here is why.
When I was working on the blending yesterday there were a couple girls in the hall and they burst into laughter. I know it sounds horrible; it is strained, throaty, sounds like yelling, and the vowels are too spread. So now I'm only going to go practise at after 5:00 when there are less people there. BAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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