It's the time of
year that people think of home and spending time with the people that
matter to them. I believe this is why people make new years resolutions:
The time for making right what was wrong and moving on from what was.
In reflecting back on my 2012 I realize it was definitely the
anticipated year of change in my life: I moved to Germany. Here is what I
(re)learned, what I wish to share with the people I know... in broken
sentences.
*You will not find happiness IN another person. People do not FIND happiness within a relationship, because someone else does not determine your happiness. You decide happiness for yourself. If you are not happy, don't blame the person you choose to spend your time with. You must find it within yourself first and then bring that dynamic to the relationship. Fix your own attitude first. Don't expect a partner or friend to do the work for you. It is no ones job to make you happy, nor is it yours to make anyone else happy. Ever.
*Your attitude determines how you treat people. If you don't like how you are being treated, then change how you treat them. Life and relationships are about meeting on common ground. Yes there is give and take and a seesaw at all times in any relationship, but happiness is created both ways. Be sure to bring your best self to the situation, and from that you grow together and make a future.
*If you feel bad, or guilty, you're doing something wrong. Growing up means making choices and sticking to them. That is character. It is nice to say you think something, but your repeated pattern of behaviour is what defines you. Think strongly at this time of year on what that character is. If you're not happy with it... then it is time to grow up, or move on. Sorry.
*Things that come to you easily, are not cherished. If you haven't worked for something, you can't complain about it's outcome. If you complain a lot, stop it.
*This next one is hard and constantly corrective... but don't treat others based on your opinion. As someone once said in a musical: (cause I get all my good lines from musicals...) "Are people born wicked or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?" It is your perception that will determine how you respond to someone. If you look for it you will find it regardless of whether or not it is actually there. I learned that over 10 years ago and it holds as true today as it did then. If you don't like someone or something... think hard about how you perceive it and their actions. Is it your "eye of the beholder" or is that actually what they are doing? This one is a hard thing, because once you get the hang of putting yourself in others shoes, it sucks when other side can't.
*The most difficult thing in life for me is watching others not become everything they could be. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make the rain fall. People must learn for themselves; to develop their own character. One of my wise sisters once said to me, learning from others mistakes and hearing others guidance can be just as good as learning from your own mistakes, but way less painful. Be wise to the wisdom of others experiences, for it can save you a lot of heartache. Yet the advice giver can only offer, the listener must still take it to heart for themselves. As giver let others learn, and be patient in their process as you hope they will be with you and yours.
*"You got to know when to hold em'... know when to fold em', know when to walk away, know when to run." I am like my father... I stick it out to the bitter end. This proclivity is a strength, and a weakness when it is bitter. Ignoring problems is not fixing them, and attacking problems can be just as bad. Some situations are best just left alone because they don't matter and stirring the pot only makes them worse.
*People will only get from what you say, what they want to hear. If you read this far, I applaud you and I hope I helped a little.
This post is also included as a guest post at Life, debt and everything in between. Click here to read.
*You will not find happiness IN another person. People do not FIND happiness within a relationship, because someone else does not determine your happiness. You decide happiness for yourself. If you are not happy, don't blame the person you choose to spend your time with. You must find it within yourself first and then bring that dynamic to the relationship. Fix your own attitude first. Don't expect a partner or friend to do the work for you. It is no ones job to make you happy, nor is it yours to make anyone else happy. Ever.
*Your attitude determines how you treat people. If you don't like how you are being treated, then change how you treat them. Life and relationships are about meeting on common ground. Yes there is give and take and a seesaw at all times in any relationship, but happiness is created both ways. Be sure to bring your best self to the situation, and from that you grow together and make a future.
*If you feel bad, or guilty, you're doing something wrong. Growing up means making choices and sticking to them. That is character. It is nice to say you think something, but your repeated pattern of behaviour is what defines you. Think strongly at this time of year on what that character is. If you're not happy with it... then it is time to grow up, or move on. Sorry.
*Things that come to you easily, are not cherished. If you haven't worked for something, you can't complain about it's outcome. If you complain a lot, stop it.
*This next one is hard and constantly corrective... but don't treat others based on your opinion. As someone once said in a musical: (cause I get all my good lines from musicals...) "Are people born wicked or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?" It is your perception that will determine how you respond to someone. If you look for it you will find it regardless of whether or not it is actually there. I learned that over 10 years ago and it holds as true today as it did then. If you don't like someone or something... think hard about how you perceive it and their actions. Is it your "eye of the beholder" or is that actually what they are doing? This one is a hard thing, because once you get the hang of putting yourself in others shoes, it sucks when other side can't.
*The most difficult thing in life for me is watching others not become everything they could be. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make the rain fall. People must learn for themselves; to develop their own character. One of my wise sisters once said to me, learning from others mistakes and hearing others guidance can be just as good as learning from your own mistakes, but way less painful. Be wise to the wisdom of others experiences, for it can save you a lot of heartache. Yet the advice giver can only offer, the listener must still take it to heart for themselves. As giver let others learn, and be patient in their process as you hope they will be with you and yours.
*"You got to know when to hold em'... know when to fold em', know when to walk away, know when to run." I am like my father... I stick it out to the bitter end. This proclivity is a strength, and a weakness when it is bitter. Ignoring problems is not fixing them, and attacking problems can be just as bad. Some situations are best just left alone because they don't matter and stirring the pot only makes them worse.
*People will only get from what you say, what they want to hear. If you read this far, I applaud you and I hope I helped a little.
This post is also included as a guest post at Life, debt and everything in between. Click here to read.
