Why indeed! Each small nuance of my being is tied up in pursuing the art of fine vocal performing. Being picked apart by my honest professional teacher, who graciously corrects my base fundamental techniques repeatedly, even though these were concepts I have been familiar with for years and have even successfully taught, shatters my resolve.
I am finding myself going through the long list of self encouraging mantras that I have compiled over the years. Today I look for the one that will carry me through till tomorrow.
So will it be... "They must have heard something to accept me into this masters program in the first place. I can't be all horrible."
Or is it... "Singing is not a realm where those who can't do it teach it. This is a field where a teacher has to deliver too. I get new ways of thinking about the fundamentals so in this I must be becoming a better teacher."
Or... "I may not be there yet, but it is all in my best interests."
Don't we all want to be better than we are? I would hope so. I don't want anyone to settle for mediocrity, let alone myself. I have already attained in singing what some other people would not even bother dreaming of. They gave up even before they started.
So then to answer my own question, why do I do this?
Well... today it is because it makes me a better person. These growing pains are just that, the acquisition of new skill. That's not too shabby in my books.
