Why are you trying so hard?

I find this is something that keeps coming up in my studio. In my preparation and with my students. I like it for its two fold meaning: "Why are you over doing that extra physical effort?" (Over breathing, unwilling/unable to let go of preconceived effort, practically screaming, and why is there so much tension in your body when you sing?) More than that though I like "What drives you?"
Everything that is worth doing requires some effort, but what motivates you? This question has no stock answer. It's different for every activity. Its the key to smokers quitting. It's the drive to lift 300 pounds at the gym (I don't remember if that is a lot. It sounds like a lot to me at this moment.) Why is the foundation of character and who we are. We are what we do, more so than what we say. So in the development of personal potential, why then do you sing? Are you truly interested in learning a new skill, or are you looking for an ego stroke? Are you truly ready to rise up to the challenge of making a change? When that change meets you face on, do you allow it or attack it?
Your creativity and flexibility is what will determine your success. You will surround yourself with the people that will help or hinder to the level that you can handle. When the help arrives, will you be focused to follow through?
It is surprising to me how the most flexible, engaged, and effortless things in singing creates the clearest and most beautifulest tones. Yet as the embodiment of our own instrument we constantly struggle and fight ourselves, adding in extra stress where it's not needed. What drives you? Why do you struggle with the same fights? Have you made your goals and are truly seeing them through?
These are not answers found in a blog. I do not believe they are that hard to discover either. If we take a minute to listen to ourselves and how we react to our challenges we will know: What motivates me? It is then that our true creativity and best laid efforts can be reached.

Daft & drat = draft

Is picking repertoire ever done? Even seconds before the event occurs, is the repertoire ever settled on? Yesterday I was giving some of the repertoire a third go over. I hate some of it. I am so glad that the people I collaborate with are wonderful people and flexible and let me nix things at this stage of the game. I strive to be that way too, but some of it just makes me want to scream: "WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS? IT SOUNDS LIKE SCREAMING AND HAS NO MELODY!"

I know it's not supposed to be good for a classically trained musician to hate Contemporary music, but this stuff is just so inaccessible. It makes me want to barf with it's difficult and vague tonalities. There is some of it that I just love. The set I'm preparing now by David L.McIntyre from Saskatchewan, Canada, that I'm preparing IS JUST WONDERFUL. Barber and Britten are exquisite. Yet some just makes me feel like I've burst into a satirical version of 'Anything you can play I can sing different." Honestly, some times during practice, I do burst into that song.

I believe it is my job as a musician to make music accessible to the audience in their one moment that they will hear it during the concert. I have to give all those dots on the page purpose so that the audience feels connected. This contemporary music is so, awkward. Yup. Word of the day... awkward. Why all the time signature switches? Why the vague tonalities? Why scribe a range that is so high that words are indistinguishable? What's with all those weird leaps?

I heard numerous times in school that to make it in this business todays' musician has to get over their aversion to 20th century music. It's in the modern age of music that we will make the most of our money. I believe that is unfortunate and true. It's through premiers and exposure that we as a musical group support each other. A dead composer cares little if I perform his works, but my composer friend will bend over backwards for me to present his music. Oy there's the rub. "Just get over it, it's here to stay." I suppose I am glad I'm a strong interpreter and that I can make sense of all that random ink on a page that is called modern music.

Is this the laments of a truly frustrated musician or a legit complaint? We're also told in school, "Know thy audience." So do these people want to hear it even. For a student or academic audience it's a given. But for the lay person who's trying a classical concert for the first time? I can honestly say from my experience and feed back, NO it's not something to share with a layperson audience. Is it my job to present it so well the\is audience does not even realize they're listening to a tone row? Is that even possible?

What I do know is I have a German premier of an amazing set of music coming up in a couple months. Regardless of how difficult the music is, I'd better get the lead out so that my audience will want to hear my encore. Or, heavens forbid they leave at intermission.

I plan on teaching... so you had better plan on learning.

I had THAT frustrating conversation with the parent of a potential student today about what they think is a reasonable price for a lesson and why my lesson fees are "so much higher". From time to time this topic comes up and I always cringe when it does. This is not a rant to educate these people, this is my honest opinion of how cheap and stupid I think these people are. I am worth paying for, get over it!

As a musician who has made it to the point in my life where it is possible to live off of my teaching and performing earnings, trying to explain to 'mom of the next big child star' why the lesson fee is 'so high' is easily the most irritating part of the process. I hate feeling like I have to justify why they must come to my studio and I can't come to their house, that I am in demand and I can't drop everything to give them the one specific time slot that they feel is easiest for them, why the accompanist is not free, why they must buy their own repertoire books, or any other fee that is reasonable. These things make me want to drop them before we even begin. I am certain to love teaching your kid but you, parent, are souring the lessons with your attempts to nickel and dime me out of every cent that I deserve.

I find it difficult to tell this person that they should find another teacher. I know what they will get for the price they are looking to pay and I don't want to see anyone suffer like that. I find it disrespectful to my profession. I've paid big bucks to some wonderful teachers over the years and they deserved every penny. Mostly, I find it insulting to me personally when strangers think I should be charging less. With my education and years of experience my fees are VERY reasonable. If you think my price is too high you need to look for another teacher and leave me alone. You are hiring me to help you develop a skill and discover the potential talent within, and to foster a passion for life not just a passion for right now.

In the interests of being a kind and levelheaded person, I do my best to not get irate and explain calmly to the ignorant jerk of a parent that when you sign up for lessons in my studio you are getting not just something for your child to do for a half hour to an hour a week, but someone who is passionate and serious about something that is worth being passionate and serious about. Music and art is the quality in our lives. When you ask these questions it makes me think you are not worth the effort I put into my studio. You will get every cent back you pay to me in my sweat and your results. I have spent a life time of sweat, anxiety, heart, and money into my education. Based on that, my performance experience, and my previous students history I will not teach your daughter for $10/hour.  I can't live off of that wage and it is insulting to me that you expect me to, that you think I even should. If you are looking for that kind of fee then feel free to take lessons from the hack up the street without a decent education, that will have your child frustrated and sounding horrid in very short order. Good luck getting into my studio then to fix that stuff.

I'm also NOT interested in teaching pop music to you or your child. I am so tired of justifying this to the narrow minded. If you want to be entertained once a week with some karaoke tune, then go hang out with your friends in your basement or local bar and let-er rip. You are hiring me to teach, not to entertain. The  lessons are fun and stimulating but I'm not a babysitter or a buddy, I'm your teacher. Mine is a big picture studio. Like anything that is worth doing, this takes some effort. Your effort and mine. I have already put in that effort into my own voice so I know what is to be expected of a student. I believe pop music is about bending the rules of singing to attain a certain aesthetic. I intend to teach you the proper rules and processes of singing first though. After that you can bend them to your own will for years to come. I know then that my lessons involve challenging the student on many of their preconceived notions of what they think must happen to achieve a beautiful voice. I want to foster good musicianship in you to help you find your voice, to develop your creative listening skills. I will not do this with in the idiom of popular song. You came to me to learn how to sing. That is what I intend to do. For that I deserve to be compensated accordingly. If you want me to teach pop music then expect my lesson fees to go through the roof. I need to be much better compensated for my time if I'm to be subjected to listen to that all day long.

I can't help but to add a rant about how you seem to forget that the stupid fee you pay to me is WHAT I LIVE OFF OF. It is my only source of income. It is not only the music related expenses I need to cover with your fee. I pay taxes off this fee. I buy groceries and gas for my piece of crap car that gets me to your lesson off this fee. I pay healthcare off this fee. I still have to cover the rental of the studio/building, even if you decide to flippantly cancel, off this fee. It is not just the time in your lesson that this fee covers either, but all the lesson planning, scheduling, and appropriate repertoire research for your lesson that I do when you don't see me. There is a significant amount of lesson planning and mental sweat that I spend on each student. My partner constantly complained that I spent all my time in front of the computer lesson planning instead of with him. Well, guess that means I get to listen to you complain that my fees are too high as well.

So if I go cross eyed and start twitching when you ask me to justify my rates, trust me I can justify my rates. Aaaaaand welcome to my studio.... you big jerk.